That's Not Nothing

I recently listened to The Woman at the Wheel by Penny Haw. This audiobook detailed the life of Bertha Ringer who was married to Karl Benz the inventor of the first horseless carriage, widely regarded as the father of the modern automobile.

He spent his life designing and perfecting his inventions and she spent her life being interested in and supporting him and his work.. 

Like many books about women these days, this was a feminist empowerment book. Much of the theme of the book revolves around a discovery Bertha made as a girl when she read in the family bible that she was “only a girl.” This was written by her father, which particularly disturbed her because most of the time he treated her like an equal: giving her an education, taking her to work and talking to her about business matters. 

When she married Karl, she transferred these practices to her husband and became a frequent partner in the discussions about and experiments with the motor wagon. She also gifted her dowry to a corrupt business partner to get him out of debt.

Her main claim to fame is that she took the motor wagon on a long trip to see her parents, which was the first of its kind, showing that even women could operate it safely over long distances, which is simultaneously exciting and depressing because why should that be so remarkable? 

What I particularly liked about her story, however, was that the author showed her becoming a powerful woman, not by going away from family, but by leaning in to her role as a wife and mother. This focus is perfectly captured the first time they drive the motor wagon in their yard:

“With the boys pushing the motor wagon from behind, Karl released the brake and steered it into the yard. I followed, enjoying the sight of the children bustling around the machine. Their excitement and energy reminded me of that which I’d seen in Karl when we met 17 years ago. It was one of the reasons I’d fallen in love with him. That the children had inherited the same enthusiasm or perhaps they had learned it, filled me with joy. What more powerful force might anyone need to propel one through life. What further vigor might compel one to dream and to pursue that dream.”

(7:20:21-7:21:15).

Her joy in life was helping her husband and children succeed and she found great satisfaction in that. I particularly like that because one of the prominent messages towards women is that families will get in the way of our goals.

We are told to delay or forgo a family all-together so that we may accomplish something truly wonderful. Those who give up or never pursue individual goals are seen as less than and that has real effects in the lives of women everywhere.

I have a friend who lamented over Marco Polo once that she just felt like nothing, like everyone else was going out and accomplishing things, but that she wasn’t achieving anything. This was a woman with 6 children; whose home always feels welcoming, who regularly seeks out ways to help and support others, whose husband and children have done amazing things, partly because she is at home doing “nothing.”

I didn’t realize this was a problem until my husband and I began to have children. I was on the way to becoming a teacher when I stopped for this detour and didn’t return for over a decade. The thing I learned in that decade is quite simply that having children and trying to do our best in raising them is one of the most worthwhile goals we will ever have. Nothing will compare. 

That doesn’t mean you can’t do good things without having a family, nor does it mean that your children’s accomplishments are your own. Life is messy and doesn’t always turn out the way we had hoped, but if I died next week, I would still be happy I had spent the last two decades primarily supporting my husband and children.

It would be nice if society recognized this as a worthy pursuit.Our individualistic culture sometimes makes it hard to remember the one thing Bertha seemed to instinctively know: achievement is not an individual matter, it is fanned by the flame of love and support from those closest to us. We are not doing nothing when we are part of that support.